Saturday, 4 October 2008

I'm greedy and I know it, but I still want more...

Many thanks to all the well wishers who have sent me messages.  I love all the comments I get, unless they are hideous death threats due to my writings about the prophet (not done any, so should be okay there, unless the Johovas Witnesses read my previous post and get militant).  

Now, just being greedy and believing that laughter is the best medicine, if you can plug your best joke at the end of a well wishing comment, then I'd be well happy.  If you can uplift me and make me laugh, then that's double bonus points!

On the subject of jokes, are you like me and find that you can only hold a maximum of 2 jokes in your head at once?  That's the way it seems to work with me and it is always the last two I've been told.  So the real bummer is when you had a great classic belly busting wheeze-matic joke all lined up and then someone comes along and tells a stinker and boom, it's lost in the joke aether.  Listen to what I'm stuck with as my number one joke right now.  It's not good and I don't know where I heard it.  Sorry if I knock anyone elses number one joke out their brain with this one, but I've got to share it and how bad it is:
Q:  What is white, green and then white?
A:  A frog sandwich

Come on, I mean, it shouldn't even count!  I should never have lost some complex, yet amazingly funny joke that reduced all who heard it to tears of mirth, for that, so help please!


The Joker said...

I guess it serves to be a little more spontaneous.

Sandra said...

You must be joking...

Sandra said...

I’m actually worse than you. My memory for jokes is the short spam type. I sometimes hear really good jokes and make a mental note to remember them (as if). But when I do tell one they never sound as good as when I first heard them.
Anyway I though I could send you some tips on stuff (or creatures) you might spot during your hospital stay…

What do you say when you see a herd of elephants coming through the door?
Look! There's a herd of elephants coming through the door!

What do you say when you see a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming through the door?
Nothing - you don't recognise them.

How do you know if an elephant is in bed with you?
It has a big “e” written on his pyjamas.
How do you know if an elephant has been in your mini-fridge?
Footprints in the food or the strawberries keep going missing…

Hope you’re now able to recognise –and deal with - any uninvited visitor.
Get released soon!

Sandra said...

And non-elephant stuff...

What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge

What's blue and white and can't climb trees?
A fridge in a demin jacket

(going now.promise.gone)

Damnyoureyes said...

What's black and white and read all over
Sunburnt Zebra
What's Green and turns red at a touch of a button
Frog in a liquidiser

What's brown and sticky
A stick

Adam said...

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Nobody knows, they haven't seen the light yet.

The Finisher said...

This piece of road walks into a bar at 8pm, he orders a pint of lager, which he then downs without paying for it. He says "I'm a massive piece of road, I'm well hard me, lorries drive down me all day and I don't even wince. I'm gonna keep downing free pints all night and if you stop serving me, I'll smash this place to smithereens with my big road arms". The bouncers try to intervene, but the road sweeps them aside and demands more beer.
The following night at 8pm, the massive piece of road walks in and comes face to face with the local rugby team. "Ha!" he shouts, before proceeding to beat them without mercy, after which he proceeds to drink free beer all night long.
The following night at 8pm, the massive piece of road walks in and comes face to face with a hen party from Glasgow. "Ha!" he shouts, before proceeding to stand at the bar drinking free beer while the hen party relentlessly attack him with their Stiletto heels.
The following night the piece of road walks in, and sitting in his usual seat is a much smaller, slightly knackered looking piece of green road.
The massive piece of road turns on his heels and walks out "I'm getting out of here," he screams, "that guys a f*cking cyclepath."

Dave B said...

Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees!

Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys picking cherries!!

Nessie said...

A picture says a 1000 words

made me laff anyways..

Anonymous said...

Thought I might add to the pile of crap(jokes) so here goes

Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle at 4 in the afternoon?
That's the time elephants do their parachute practice.

Why are crocodiles flat?
Because they go into the jungle at 4 in the afternoon


What's green and goes up and down up and down all day long?
A pea in a lift


Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
Because if they were small, white and round they'd be aspirins

or even

HOw many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
None - but the lightbulb has to want to change

look after yourself and get out of there soon.


Wifey said...

The classic:-

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

A wonkey!