October

So in just 3 days it would have been Richie's birthday. Lots of things going on at the moment which make me think about everything that we went through last year. I thought at the time that there would be nothing harder to deal with/go through etc, but of course there always is and facing up to the fact that the is no longer with is a million times harder.

Fortunately I have the week off work so will be able to have a relaxing week (work is currently very stressy!). I will be gymming and shopping Monday, London Tuesday, and then heading to Devon after rehearsals Tuesday evening. We will be staying at my sisters new place in Exeter Tuesday evening and then heading on to Berryhead Wednesday morning. Am very much looking forward to sitting on the rocks in our special place and having a good old chat with the big guy! Harry has not been since our wedding so will be nice to sit there with him and talk about Daddy. As I type this I still find it incredibly hard to comprehend the fact that I will never see him again, never hear that made laugh and never have one of his bear hugs. Weird and strange all at the same time, I dont think that I will ever be able to understand or come to terms with it, but I guess its something that we just have to accept and deal with.

Anyway, the point of this blog is to say Happy Birthday to the big dude and I hope that wherever he is now he's having a few TVR's and shots to celebrate the day he started his journey with us all those years ago. xx

Nottingham to Maidenhead Bike Ride

Back in September two of Richie's friends completed a bike ride from Nottingham to Maidenhead in loving memory of Rich.

The journey commenced early on the morning of Saturday 12th September where the boys rode from Nottingham, via some 'Richie' landmarks such as Lady Bay School, Julian road, De Montford Uni etc onto Banbury. They stopped overnight in Banbury and then headed on to Maidenhead on Sunday 13th.

The boys rest for a well deserved pint!!

Tiredness appears to be kicking in!

Wayne and Sean arrived in Maidenhead early afternoon to a welcome committee of myself, Katy and Harry along with cups of tea and jammy cakes! Wayne with very sunburnt knees and Sean looking like he needed a well deserved beer!

Well done guys, Richie will be so proud.

If anyone would like to make a donation in support of all the hard work and efforts of Sean and Wayne then donations can be left at www.justgiving.com/mrbaldy or www.justgiving.com/chemoman

Cinderella

So last week I found out the happy news that I have been cast in the Maidenhead Drama Guilds Christmas Pantomime Cinderella as Prince Charming.

Me and Rich met 8 years ago doing our first panto for this group which was also Cinderella. So feels very poignant that I will be involved in this one, and will make it a good one just for him.

The show is on 9th to the 13th December so rehearsals start in earnest this week. 3 nights a week, which is a challenge with work and Becs & Harry but I have hopefully sorted all the required babysitting to ensure I do not miss any rehearsals.

Therefore I expect to see lots of familiar faces in the audience!! So the details are below:-

Becca's First Day @ Secondary School

So Bec's started at Newlands today, which as probably already said makes me feel old as well as a bit emotional!




So to embarrass her terribly I found a photo that Rich took of her at her first day at Primary school:-

So 7 years on and the picture is a lot different, but I will have to add that on in a bit as need to charge my camera and upload the photos. Simple tasks still seem like a pain in the butt somedays. However wanted to get this blog finished as have another to add and haven't done any blogging for what feels like ages.

Dropping Bec off that first morning though creating a bit of a wobble, especially not having Rich there to call me a big baby for getting all teary! All the other girls going into the school looked so grown-up! I realised that this was the start of teenage tantrums and the start of Mum just becoming an over-used cash machine!!

September!!!

So after blogging re bank-holiday it turned out that we didn't make it down to Devon after all due to some legal issues my sister is experiencing with her new pad. So a weekend in Devon will be re-booked for some time this month. This month - which is September - holy crap how did that happen already! Time seems to be whizzing by at a rate of knots.

Even more scary - Rebecca's first day at Secondary school is tomorrow - I am scared for prob three reasons - 1, Rich wont be there with us to drop her off on her first day, 2, my little girl is growing up and I remember starting secondary school and how grown-up you feel/become but 3, and probably the most selfish reason - its making me feel really OLD!!!!

It has also completely drained my bank-account! Its a great school she is going to but blimey the uniform is expensive!! So I have told her she is not aloud to grow for the next 5 years!!!!

Bank Holiday Weekend

I'm looking forward to this bank-holiday weekend with a bit of fear to be honest.

The plan is to spend the weekend at my sisters new house in Sandford near Exeter, help them with some new house type activities (sofa shopping etc) and get the kids to the seaside etc. A trip to Berryhead is also planned as clearly whenever in the local (ish) area I want to go and sit on our rocks and think about my Richie.

This time though Rebecca and Harry will be coming with me. Whilst Rebecca seems to vaguely understand what we did with Richie's ashes and why etc, I am really unsure on how to explain this to Harry. I guess I will try the approach of this is where we come to remember Daddy and celebrate how wonderful he was (is). My thinking is that this trip to Berryhead will be quite emotional for Rebecca. Rebecca to date has been wonderfully brave and coped magnificantly with everything that has happened to our little family over the past 18 months. She certainly has her moments where she is very upset and we talk about how much she misses Richie. We usually then get some old photos out and laugh at the pictures of the two of them together when she was little, and talk about the mean things she use to do to him. I think the best story of Rebecca's naughtyness to Rich when we first got together had to be the very first time he looked after her whilst I nipped to the gym.........

To backtrack slightly...... the very first time Rich and Rebecca met I would like to say was love at first sight. However, my darling little girl was clearly a little bit jealous of anyone taking her Mum's attention away from her so sweetly said "Hello" and then climbed out of her pushchair and booted him in the shin!! It all went kind of downhill from there really! Rich would try his hardest and she would just be more of a madam. If he tried to push her in her buggy then she would put her feet to the floor so it wouldn't move etc etc. Anyway, once we had been together six months or so they settled down and seemed to get along much better. The naughtyness had turned to more cheekyness and they started to become 'friends'. So, over the Xmas and New Year break Rich offered to play with Becs for an hour whilst I hit the gym to try and work off some of the excesses of Xmas! I therefore donned my trainers and headed up to the gym. Arrived at the gym, parked the car and headed towards the entrance....... oh crap its closed due to weird Xmas/New Year opening times. Oh well, got back in the car and headed home.

I arrived home to Rich and a very white face! Asked him if he was ok and the story unfolded! About 5 minutes after I had left the house Rebecca had informed Richard that she needed the loo for a number 2!! So he told her to go up to the bathroom to do the deed (so to speak). Anyway, a few minutes later she calls down to him to give her some assistance with wiping! At this point I'm about to burst out in fits of giggles...... So rich explained that he 'didn't know what the rules were about that kind of thing', but as she needed help he went up to lend a hand! So, as he walks into the bathroom Becs hands him the roll of loo-paper then promptly bends over and touches her toes to allow him to wipe her bum! Bless him, he then said he hoped that was ok! I then burst out laughing and explain to him that Becs has been fully capable of wiping her own behind for aprox 1 year now! We then walk into the lounge to see a very smug faced 4 year old on the couch looking like the cat that got the cream! 1-0 to Rebecca!!!

It wasn't long after this 'event' that Rich moved in with us and we soon settled into our own family routine. Rich was there to take her to school on her very first day and has been involved with all the major milestones that followed until he passed away. Its therefore not surprising that even though she has a great relationship with her own Dad, Richie became Daddy Rich - she would always call him Rich or Richie but in cards etc he was her Daddy Rich.

Anyway, back to Devon, even though I am sure it will be difficult to explain this all to the children again I have no doubt that my 2 little darlings will cope admirably and enjoy spending some time down on the rocks thinking of our big brave Richie/Daddy/Daddy Rich.

Some Musings From Mr Wildman

Yesterday I was packing up some more of Richard's things, putting stuff into boxes and transferring to the loft (that boy was quite the hoarder!!).

Anyway I found an old notepad of his which had some interesting thoughts he had written down so thought I would share it with you all......

All behaviour is belief driven.

The most powerful beliefs are those you have about who you are - your identity.

The strongest force in the human personality is the need to remain consistent with the identity we hold for ourselves.

What stops us is fear, what frees us is courage.

What shapes the decision is the state you are in.

The quality of my life is the quality of my communication.

Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning I give it.

All truth goes through 3 stages:-
First, it is ridiculed
Second, it is violently opposed
Finally, it is accepted as self-evident
--German Philosopher Arthur Schopenhaurer--

"We are what we think
All that we are arises
With our thoughts.
With our thoughts
We make our world"
The Buddha

That was all I found, but thought it was interesting to read.

Sam