Friday, 28 November 2008

It's Just A Bit Aggressive

Last morning I woke up with a husky voice, today none at all.  I could make gruff noises, whisper quite coherently but not talk, at least not in human.  I think this gives an idea how aggressive this thing is.  No small change every few days.  The radiotherapy doc noticed that the tumour has increased significantly from the scan he saw barely a week ago, so have moved the radiotherapy forward to this Monday.  I'm quite happy with that as I want it zapped.  He is worried about the amount of radiation its going to take to have a chance to clear the left lung (I think it is the left one).  There isn't any choice really.  Unless the main mass shrinks, it'll have burst out my chest aliens style before there'd be any chance of being ready for the stem cell procedure.  My current set of doctors/consultants at Wexham just seem to want to keep me down.  I had to go in today and give blood.  I was hoping to see my normal consultant, who the consultant/doctor dude from Hammersmith, who we saw yesterday, would have got in touch with and brought up to speed and set on the task of coordinating donors.  Anyway, he wasn't there and I got to see another doctor, she was okay until she started talking about all the different things that could go wrong before even getting to the stem cell transplant and that it was very low chance statistical that I'd get there.  Bloody marvellous.  I think I'm only going to listen to the Hammersmith doc.  So far this week I've spoken to three doctors.  Two from Wexham (first of whom depressed me so much I broke down in tears in their office), the Hammersmith doc who filled me again with hope yet tempered by the possibilities, risks and dangers and a final Wexham one who pissed me off again.  Just tell me the path is fraught with potential issues and dangers and leave it at that.  I don't want "very low chance statistically".  One sounds hard but worthwhile, the other sounds like "give up, you're wasting your time".  Argh!  They make it so hard to remain positive and focused.

9 comments:

Wanners said...

keep at em mate.

20
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Katie says hell+o



3636639+52+

Wanners said...

9*99999996969636
.

.3

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more from Katie...be positive i think she is saying!!

Anonymous said...

Is there any way you can sack your Wexham docs and just go with the hope-filling kind - THAT would be empowering.
You can do it

Rob

Anonymous said...

Morning Ricardo
I think you can teach somne of these docs a thing or two about positive thinking!!! When they really get to you, just tell them WITH GOD ALL (REPEAT ALL) THINGS ARE POSSIBLE, He's in charge, not them!!
With love and every blessing
Peter <><

Jane said...

Hi Ricardo
We can't do without them and we can't do with them - doctors! The trouble is they are used to dealing with 'wimps' who don't even understand what positive thinking and being focused means. The mind is so powerful and helps with the healing process as we know. Sadly since the days of being 'sued' for everything crept into our society everyone deals with negatives and have forgotten what it truly means to be sensitive and work with the individual's needs instead of their own level of fears. Take all that is good for you know that 'everything works for good for those who believe', especially those 'Wildman' stem cell dudes!!
Love you, Jane x

Dave said...

Hello mate,

It sounds like you've been busy. Keep on going mate. We're all with you. If I can help in any way, just let me know.

Anonymous said...

Hey Richard,

Don't get let down by the Wexham docs. Just focus on the words of the Hammersmith doc. Keep fighting mate - you've got it in you.

With all my wishes & prayers
Santhosh

The Finisher said...

Hope today's radio therapy proves the Wexham doubters wrong.

Keep on fighting dude!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Ricardo
Glad to hear the radiotherapy is going to plan, just waiting now for Jane's test results, hopefully today. Keep looking up!
Every blessing
Peter <><