Worst day so far

Yeah, I really reckon today has had me feeling the worst since treatment started. Well, appart from when I had infections, I'd say that was the really suckiest of sucksville.
Anyway, my body decided to wake up at 4am and I was freezing cold and both my calves ached and kept cramping up. I tottered like an old man to the toilet, as my bladder, not wanting to be seen to be missing out decided to fill. I then couldn't get back to sleep, despite feeling exhausted. I lay there, rolling one way then the other, trying to get my legs comfortable and not cramp. My mouth kept going dry too, despite the fact that I was guzzling pint after pint of water or juice.
Again, I think this is steroid territory. I finished them yesterday, for this cycle and they don't like to not be invited to the party anymore.
Here's hoping tomorrow is better. Just need to be able to sleep all the way through tonight. We'll see. If not, then I foresee a whinging post tomorrow!

..and on the 3rd day, he got up

Well, after 3 days pretty much stuck in bed, I'm back and feeling more alive.
Looks like the effects of chemo are somewhat cumulative with me. Some people get away with it and some don't, then again, some are hit really hard, so I still think I'm pretty lucky.
I got chemo #6 on Friday and after getting the pre-meds for the Rituximab, I was dozing off and feeling a bit sicky. I'll tell you the worst thing. Around midday they bring out these snack boxes. Little cardboard packs with a sandwich, crisps, a drink, etc in. Nice idea. Sadly, I've developed an association to them and feeling sick (I'm not alone either, a few people I've talked to can't look at them without wanting to gag). So, beware. If you're getting chemo'ed, you can build a mental link to things. Urgh! Just thinking of the snack box now makes me want to hurl. Think of something else, think of something else... erm... Lost. Yeah, it was the end of the season finale last night. I hauled myself out of bed around 7pm, spent a bit of time around the kids and then watched Lost. I must admit, I liked it. A little saggy in parts but cool in others. Gradually things are being revealed, but enough is left submerged to keep me interested. Ooh, but I did like the end of episode cliff hanger. Ooh, yeah!
Anyway, back to the job at hand. Chemo 6 was a pain in the butt. So glad to only have 2 left. Can't wait to be done. Looking forward to being normal again! Assuming of course, the visitor that has been residing in my chest and round abouts has got the good sense to leave totally and never return. I'm working with the assumption that he realises he is not welcome and it's time to move on and judging by the response, that seems to be pretty reasonable. Still, waiting for the scan results after my last treatment cycle is going to feel like being one of the competitors on one of the reality shows awaiting their fate (winner or evictee) stood their during the extended pause after the host has said "and the winner is...".

A quick mention about CHOP-R (the chemo regimen I'm on). I have been asked if it is a one hit deal or whether you keep getting extras throughout the cycle. Well, a chemo cycle for CHOP, for me, goes a little something like this:
Day 1: You turn up, they plug you in and load you. Then release you back into the wild
Day 10: Go to hospital and give some blood
Day 19: Go to hospital and give more blood. Man, they like the blood
Day 21: Rinse, wash and repeat cycle.

So, there is only one day when you're dosed up, after that its recovery time. I know there are different regimes, where you go in as an in-patient or go and get loaded up for several hours and then get sent home with a chemo pump attached that continues loading you for upto 48 hours, but CHOP aint like that. I hope that helps.

Oh yeah, jumping around again. The last cycle I was given a set of 3 injections to boost my immune system. Basically they cause my bone marrow to get busy and start pumping out the good guys (white blood cells, Neutrophils specifically), to do honourable battle with any invading scum bacteria. In the words of king Leonidas of the Spartans, in the 300, "Neutrophils, prepare for glory!".
Anyway, it looks like this will now become a regular occurrence for me (At least for these last 3 cycles) as my poor wussy bone marrow keeps getting totally nuked by the chemo and taking too long to generate new fighters and needs a little help. Ah, poor chicken. The plus side is that this should mean that I will avoid getting any more nasty infections they lay me up feeling like doom and gloom and also that I get to meet more of the local district nurses who have really impressed me with their friendliness, caring and passion for their work. A great bunch.

Almost forgot to mention (blimey, this post is getting a bit big), that I saw the new Indiana Jones on Thursday night. Hmmm, what to say. It was Indy, so deserves some respect just for that, but, in my opinion, it wasn't a patch on the other films. A little too much trying to fill in back story and I reached the limit of suspension of disbelief way before the group fell off 3 massive waterfalls one after another, landing completely unaffected. Yes, I know it's fantasy and I know it's Indiana Jones, but I either need long enough gaps between impossible events to forget about them or a few less in order to keep my disbelief suspended. I think I preferred Iron man.

Zombie

George A Romero, that maker of mad Zombie films, would have been proud of me yesterday. I could have easily starred in one of his films. I wake up, thanks to my wife's alarm clock and reluctantly helped get the kids to the child minder. I felt like I was not all there, just in a big old haze. I went back to bed and finally got out of my pit to get some lunch. Not a lot in, but I cobbled something together and then just wanted to sleep again. So, I did! I woke up just in time for my wife to ask me to pick the kids up because she was having a nightmare day at work and would be late. I groaned quite loudly, as all I wanted to do was sleep again. I know it sounds lazy but I just had no energy and felt completely drained. What I think was happening was that my body was responding to the withdrawl of the steroids. For those who don't know, part of the treatment is a pulse of steroids each cycle. By pulse, what they do is give you a high (100mg) daily dose for 5 days and then nothing. The steroids both rip up lymphocytes (which are the naughty critters making up the chest monster) and also give you some extra energy and help relieve nausea etc. So for the first 5 days, they're your friend, but then they're taken away and my body then seems to react. On Wednesday and Thursday (day 1 and 2, post steroids), I'm constantly dry mouthed and need to drink loads of water and then of course am paying umpteen visits to unload said water. That's my first sign, the other one is that where I seemed to have energy the previous days (alright, not loads, but I was happy enough getting up and pottering around like an old man) I no longer do. I think I now know what it feels like to be old (not that I think I am old, but you know what I mean).
Anyway, I dragged myself out of the house, picked up the kids, who of course wanted to go to the park and I had to say no and feel like a real killjoy. We got home and I went for a lie down whilst they played (emptied toys on the floor and caused general mayhem). I was hoping my wife would return imminently to help with bath time (usually okay, but can be draining if certain participants are not being compliant!) but she rang and said she was going to be really late. I suppressed the tears and tried to put on a true British stiff upper lip and say, "not a problem, old girl, I'll just crack on and see you later. Tally ho". Okay, I probably didn't use those exact words (perhaps the "Tally ho" was used, I forget). Again, it sounds a bit wussy, getting stressy over bathing a couple of kids but when in Zombie mode, it's a trial.
In the end, my mission was sucessful. The kids were compliant (halelujah!) and were bathed and tucked up in bed as per normal, with me not far behind.
Today I feel more normal again. I still feel somewhat tired, but not the eyes-heavy-want-to-sleep-now tired. Looks like my body has shook off the post-steroidal yoke and is good to go. Yay! Should feel better each day forward now. Just got to keep out the way of any lurgy carriers and all is good.

Two days good, one day bad

How bizarre this chemo thing is. After getting loaded up on Friday and then just wanting to sleep, Saturday and Sunday weren't bad. I was up and about at a decent hour, feeling not bad. I went to my wife's Granddad's birthday celebration and was sorely tempted to have a beer (although I was well behaved and didn't, for the sake of my overworked liver and kidney (although next week is another thing entirely)), so I must have been feeling pretty good.
Then, I wake up this morning and all I want to do is go back to sleep (nothing really new there, except I wanted to go back to sleep 'cus I was feeling rubbish). My head was banging and my energy was through the floor. Curiouser and curiouser, said I.
Anyway, I've dragged myself out of my pit and am sat downstairs, with the glorious weather beaming in through the windows and lightening my mood.