Running into Brick Walls

So I have recently swapped gyms, ended my monthly direct debit for an expensive local gym and joined a work subsidised gym that is located in my office in Bracknell. With the money that I am saving by doing this I have started having a weekly personal training session to increase my fitness. The guy is really good and pushes me really hard to push myself that little bit harder than you would if left to your own devises.


Anyway, on Friday I had the day off work to attend one of my school friends weddings. The wedding kicked-off at 12:30 so I dropped Harry off with the childminder and decided to go for a run. Originally I was planning on running along the Thames path, but on-route decided to stop and run up the bridle path towards Cookham. I got out the car, warmed up a bit and then commenced the run.

When I run I plug my Ipod into my ears, turn the volume up loud then head down and crack on. So anyway, I'm running up the bridle path not taking much attention to anything except keeping one foot in front of the other when I suddenly realise I am in familiar territory. So I stop, catch my breath and take in my surroundings. Then the brick wall smashes into my face, I've basically stopped at the back of where Rich use to live when we first for together - I don't know why I didnt realise it when I started running. Anyway, for some reason I initially had a slight freak out and got a little upset. A lot of stuff went down in that place - so many memories, especially from the exciting phase of our relationship when we were first getting to know each other.



So, I was talking about it with a close friend this evening and he said that I should put some of those memories into this blog - as hey thats what this is suppose to be about now, keeping Rich as alive as possible through memories.

I remember the first time I went into Richard's house, he invited me in for a cup of tea after a drink in the local pub with the cast of a play we were doing with the local drama group. I accepted, on stepping inside he advised that he actually had no milk and no tea bags for that matter either! Glass of water it was then! The house was so the ultimate bachelor pad - pretty dirty and with crap all over the place but had a decent TV with a load of gaming consoles attached to it! The first time I ever stayed over for the night I cleaned the bathroom before having a shower - it was that bad!!!

After we had been going out together for about 6 months Rich invited me over for dinner - I remember being a little concerned at what festering food he was going to serve from his fridge (which mostly just housed cans of Fosters!!), and also wondered how we would manage to eat given the piles of books/letters/washing etc that housed the sofa and dining room table! So imagine my surprise when Richard opened the door dressed in his Tuxedo and handed me a glass of Champagne. He had cleaned the house from top to bottom and made the dining room table look all pretty (well pretty as in boy standards (clean cutlery, crisp white napkin and some candles)), he had also made a menu card for the meal he had made for us that evening - all Mexican food yum! I still have the Menu kept for sentimental reasons.

He could be a bit of an old romantic when he wanted to - and not just in the sending flowers way but with the small little things that are thoughtful and lovely. When we went on holiday to Cyprus a few years ago the day before we flew I took the day off to get my nails done etc and have a little pampering. He met me outside the spa when my treatments had finished with a blanket, some wine and some fruit. We went and sat in the park and chilled out in the sun before picking Rebecca up from school - was really nice. He wasn't always like that - a reminder to my very unromantic marriage proposal (!) - but sometimes he would surprise and do something really touching.

Anyway, I seem to have these 'brick wall' moments more regularly now. Perhaps that comes with the realisation that he has really gone, now some of the shock and numbness of the first part of the year has subsised. They are hard to describe, usually when you least expect it - perhaps running around the house messing about with the children and stumbling on something of his or driving somewhere and going past a familiar place - silly things that spark memories etc. I guess that will be something I need to get use to and in a way thankful that there are memories there to be sparked.