UN-BE-F*CKING-LIEVABLE!

So, we're sat at home yesterday.  I'm in bed, just getting myself ready to shift my ass and go downstairs.  My wife wasn't feeling very well and was sat on the bed with my sister.  

The door bell rang and my wife, Sam, went down to answer it.  We could hear male voice but not what he was saying.  We didn't think anything of it.  A few moments later Sam came up the stairs really upset.  After giving her a moment, she said that it was the RSPCA again!  Apparently the mad old bitches had been making further complaints about out cats being neglected.  They said that the cats are left outside without anyway of getting in the house and with the weather getting colder they were in danger.  Hmmm, would be true, apart from the cat flap we had installed in the back door which they are happily using.  Also, they complained that Sam went away for whole days and obviously they were going hungry.  Yes, Sam does have to go away for whole days, due to work meetings in Manchester, Birmingham and London etc, but she feeds them in the morning making sure they have got plenty.  If Sam is away that means her mum is going to pick up the kids.  Her mum has two cats of her own, so she makes sure ours are well looked after.  She will drop in after picking the kids up or dropping them off and load up the feeding bowls. 

If you look at our cats, you can see they are well fed (maybe too well fed, Pete is a monster cat!).

So, the RSPCA man returned in a few minutes.  Was shown the cats and could see they were fine.  Showed him the cat flap and he was very apologetic and embarrassed but said if they got a call they had to respond to it.  He said he would make sure we weren't bothered again by them.

My sister was totally riled.  It was great!  She shot round to mad cat woman across the street and spent a good ten minutes banging on the door but she wouldn't answer.  She came back and tried next door but no answer.  She asked us if the harasser from next door was likely to be in.  We said yes, so she went back and just held down the door bell, so it was ringing constantly and hammered on the door with the other hand.

Eventually when she realised this wasn't going to stop, the old bag came out.  My sister Chris said that this was not due to us, but was that she is pissed off that she is harassing us.  Old bag tried to interrupt and was cut down.  The conversation went a little something like this:

SIS:  My brother, who as you know is not well right now and my sister-in-law are going through some tough times.  I want you to stop harassing and upsetting them

BAG: But the cats...

SIS:  Cats?  Maybe you should start thinking a bit more about people!

BAG: Sam goes away for the whole day sometimes and the cats are neglected...

SIS:  So, you're spying on her and coming up with a story without the facts?  What sort of person are you?

BAG: You don't have to be like that

SIS: Yes, I do!  With people like you.  I hope this never happens again, otherwise I'll be back and you'll have a problem with me!  And tell your busy-body friend across the road, the same applies to her!

She then came back.  I loved it!  Not sure if it will do any good or if we'll have the police round next, questioning us for verbal assault or some such rubbish.  I do know we are not in the neighbourhood busy-bodies good books though!

An Illegal Glimpse Over The Fence

We did it!  We mounted an escape bid.  Well, my wife did really.  She is very clever and very cunning (and may also be reading), did I also  mention beautiful and talented too?  :)

They (she and the kids) arrived after lunch today and we told reception we were going for a walk and could be some time.  

Backtracking a bit.  I woke up this morning and was feeling fine!  My arm was looking more like it belonged to me and less to Hellboy.  In fact it looked almost normal (almost, but still a bit squidgy).

I had managed to get through 24 hours without a temperature spike and at a time when I was most fearing having one (one of the lads who is a nurse here has just passed his blood taking test and is eager to let blood.  If my temperature spikes they want a blood sample from my line and my arm too and I didn't fancy him having a good old root around, scratching his head, looking like a dog who was sure it had buried its bone here but then again maybe over there... near the tree (dig), hmmm, howabout next to the fence (dig)).  No.  Didn't want that.

Jumping in time again.  My wife arrived looking lovely (you still reading dear?) and we shot off in the car.  The perfect crime.  The original plan was  to go for a walk round the park, but as the most walking I had done was to the toilet and (mostly) back, we decided to drop in on the in-laws, let the kids play in the garden whilst we had a sit in the sun (me very in the shade).  It was really nice.  I had forgotten how great sunshine was.  My artificially lit room, with only a glimpse through the bars on my windows (okay, slight exaggeration) to the beauty that is freedom.

Yesterday, the doctor had said that if my temperature stays in check and my blood counts keep climbing then they would probably be able to convince the ward uber-fuhrer to sign my release papers.  I was silently hopeful.

Anyway, after a lovely afternoon with my witty, intelligent wife (just checking you're still reading, dear) and the kids, it was time to return.  Rather than drop me off, they came back in and stayed for a bit (until Harry became painful with his constant demands for chocolate and yet another drink).

A little while later a couple of other friends, Gary and Kelly came to visit, which was great as I hadn't seen them for a while.  Sadly, whilst they were here, a sign went up on my door.  I had been marked.  I don't know if it was punishment for leaving the defensive perimeter, but it looks like it may damage my case for release tomorrow.  Basically, after my neutraphil count has jumped up and down over the last few days, today it is 0.5, which is officially neutrapenic and also meant that I should not have left the ward.  Oops, I didn't know.  Open the communications channels here people!  Anyway, all is okay.  I got given my "night time drink" (I opted for hot chocolate, as it is usually the one they can do the least damage to).  I studied said drink and still fail to understand how basic hot chocolate can be made to look and taste so bad.  An enigma scientists will no doubt be debating long after we are all gone.

Anyway, I'll let you know if I manage to will my neutraphils back up tonight and use my get out of hosipal card.  If not, then roll on next "night time drink", perhaps I'll give Horlicks another chance.