It's Just A Bit Aggressive

Last morning I woke up with a husky voice, today none at all.  I could make gruff noises, whisper quite coherently but not talk, at least not in human.  I think this gives an idea how aggressive this thing is.  No small change every few days.  The radiotherapy doc noticed that the tumour has increased significantly from the scan he saw barely a week ago, so have moved the radiotherapy forward to this Monday.  I'm quite happy with that as I want it zapped.  He is worried about the amount of radiation its going to take to have a chance to clear the left lung (I think it is the left one).  There isn't any choice really.  Unless the main mass shrinks, it'll have burst out my chest aliens style before there'd be any chance of being ready for the stem cell procedure.  My current set of doctors/consultants at Wexham just seem to want to keep me down.  I had to go in today and give blood.  I was hoping to see my normal consultant, who the consultant/doctor dude from Hammersmith, who we saw yesterday, would have got in touch with and brought up to speed and set on the task of coordinating donors.  Anyway, he wasn't there and I got to see another doctor, she was okay until she started talking about all the different things that could go wrong before even getting to the stem cell transplant and that it was very low chance statistical that I'd get there.  Bloody marvellous.  I think I'm only going to listen to the Hammersmith doc.  So far this week I've spoken to three doctors.  Two from Wexham (first of whom depressed me so much I broke down in tears in their office), the Hammersmith doc who filled me again with hope yet tempered by the possibilities, risks and dangers and a final Wexham one who pissed me off again.  Just tell me the path is fraught with potential issues and dangers and leave it at that.  I don't want "very low chance statistically".  One sounds hard but worthwhile, the other sounds like "give up, you're wasting your time".  Argh!  They make it so hard to remain positive and focused.